


Letters On Paper

by love_write_edit_sleep



Series: Is There An ‘I’ In Family Collection [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Its 3AM but here I am XD, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Report Cards, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 18:11:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18057503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_write_edit_sleep/pseuds/love_write_edit_sleep
Summary: 16 year old Logan gets a bad report card and struggles to show it to Patton, fearing his reaction. Instead, he hides it and hopes Patton will forget about it. Of course, he doesn’t.





	Letters On Paper

**Author's Note:**

> [A/N: Idk how many subjects y’all take in America, but it said 8 on the internet]

Logan knew he should have just done what Virgil was going to do with Roman. He should have just kept his report in the envelope and given it to Patton without looking at it first. He shouldn't have let his curiosity win.

Then he wouldn’t be here, on his bedroom floor, holding his report card in his shaking hands.

> _Mathematics_ _A+_
> 
> _Algebra_ _B+_
> 
> _English Language_ _A_
> 
> _English Literature_ _A+_
> 
> _Physics_ _A+_
> 
> _Chemistry_ _A_
> 
> _Biology_ _A-_
> 
> _Computing_ _A+_

Logan’s report card had never been that bad before… He’d never gotten a B+; he wouldn’t have dared. If his Father had reacted so badly to an A, he couldn’t imagine what he’d have been in for with a B+.

But Patton wasn’t like his Father.

Emile had already gone through that with him in their occasional therapy sessions. Patton was the opposite of Logan’s Father, hence why Logan had such difficulty adjusting to the change. Patton wasn’t going to hurt him for getting a bad report card.

Or was he?

Logan had never given Patton a bad report card before, only cards with A and A+. Perhaps Patton would be disappointed and want Logan to leave… Perhaps he’d stop making him go to bed and instead make him work to make up for it…

As more and more scenarios ran through his head, eventually leading to thoughts of Patton taking away his books or punishing him, Logan’s eyes burned with unshed tears. He couldn’t help the choked sob that escaped his throat.

Logan was suddenly grateful that Emile and Patton were busy working in the Cafe. If they’d heard him, there would definitely be no way to hide his report.

That thought shook him to the core. He was thinking about lying to Patton. He knew it was wrong, Patton didn't deserve to be lied to, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what could happen if he told him. He didn’t want to face Patton like that…

With a choked sob, Logan wiped his face with his sleeve and stood shakily, quickly slipping the report card back into the envelope and hiding it under his pillow before settling down at his desk to complete his homework.

* * *

“Nice one, Virgil!” Roman chuckled, ruffling his little brother’s hair.

“Ooh, what’d you get?” Patton asked, leaning over the counter. Roman held up the card.

“An A, three Bs, three Cs and a D!” Roman beamed, his hand flying to his chest dramatically. “Ugh, I’m so proud.”

“Yeah, whatever…” Virgil rolled his eyes.

“That’s one A, B and C more than last time! You know what this means?”

“Wait, what…?”

“Don’t you remember our deal? You get a few grades up, I take you to see Fall Out Boy.” Roman blinked.

“Wait, you were serious?!” Virgil cried. “You meant that?!”

“Of course I did!” Roman scoffed, as though offended.

“Roman!” Virgil threw himself at his brother, hugging him tight. Roman laughed, hugging him back. Patton smiled fondly.

“Aww, you two are so cute! I wonder why Logan hasn’t come and shown me his yet…”

“He’s probably just doing his homework, Pat.” Emile spoke up from the coffee machine. “You know he likes his routine.”

“Yeah, I know… but still.”

“We’re closing soon anyway, why don’t you leave the cleaning to me and go see how Logan’s doing?” Emile suggested. Patton beamed.

“Emmy, you're the best brother ever!” Patton pecked his twin brother’s cheek and rushed out the door before anyone could get a word in.

* * *

Logan sighed, tapping his pen against his desk as he tried to work his way through his algebra homework. He couldn’t think… The only thing on his mind was his report card and how guilty he felt that he was considering lying to Patton.

As if on cue, there was a knock on his bedroom door.

“Come in.” Logan called, turning to face the door as Patton stepped in.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“Good evening, Papa.”

“Virgil did really well on his report card.” Patton smiled. Logan winced slightly. “I was wondering if you had yours?”

“I do not.” Logan looked down at his hands. “I misplaced it.”

Well, it was _technically_ true…

“Oh… That's not like you at all, are you feeling okay?” Patton asked in concern, approaching Logan and raising his hand to feel Logan’s forehead. It took all of Logan’s effort not to flinch away.

“I am fine, I must have left it in my locker.”

“Okay. Could we open it together?”

“Papa, I really must finish my homework…” Logan swore he could feel the pain on Patton’s face in his chest. Patton nodded and backed away.

“Of course, silly me, rambling on. What would you like for dinner?”

“Anything simple is fine, thank you.” Logan turned back to his desk. Patton nodded.

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Logan held his breath, waiting for the familiar sound of his door closing before letting out a shaky sigh.

He’d done it. He’d betrayed his Papa’s trust.

* * *

Logan didn’t sleep that night, his vision plagued with a horrifying merge of Patton and his Father every time he closed his eyes.

He almost felt like he was trapped in that cupboard all over again.

* * *

The next day, Logan had gone to school early to avoid Patton.

Patton didn’t know that though. He’d just assumed Logan had gone to another one of those early morning classes they did sometimes.

> [To Logan ♥ - 08:15] Hey Lo, you left early today. You didn’t tell me you had an early class. Xx
> 
> [ From Logan ♥ - 08:20] Apologies. It was a last minute decision.
> 
> [To Logan ♥ - 08:21] Okay. Did you make lunch? Did you take a drink? Did you have breakfast? Xx
> 
> [From Logan ♥ - 08:22] I have money for food and drink from the canteen. I have eaten an energy bar.
> 
> [To Logan ♥ - 08:23] LOGAN HATTA PICANI THAT IS NOT A HEALTHY BREAKFAST! Xx
> 
> [From Logan ♥ - 08:23] But it is composed of oats and fruit.
> 
> [To Logan ♥ - 08:24] AND SUGAR! I’m going to drop some lunch off, okay? I don’t trust canteen food. Xx
> 
> [From Logan ♥ - 08:25] Papa, I am fine.
> 
> [To Logan ♥ - 08:25] I know you are, Kiddo. I just want to bring you a healthy lunch. You know what you eat affects your brain. Oh did you find your report card? Xx
> 
> [From Logan ♥ - 08:26] No. I did not. Do not bother walking all the way down to the school for the sake of giving me lunch that I can get for myself in the canteen.
> 
> [To Logan ♥ - 08:27] Oh okay. Sorry kiddo. Xx
> 
> [To Logan ♥- 08:27] Logan, honey, are you okay? Xx
> 
> [From Logan ♥ - 08:28] I apologise. I am merely tired. I struggled to sleep last night.
> 
> [To Logan ♥- 08:29] Oh, I’m sorry! Sweetie, do you need to take a self-care day? You’re more than welcome to come home. Xx
> 
> [From Logan ♥- 08:30] I will be fine, thank you. I have to go. Xx
> 
> [To Logan ♥- 08:30] Okay. I love you. Look after yourself. Xx

Patton tried not to worry about it.

It was usual for Logan to have off days, especially when he didn’t get much sleep. Goodness, the workload that boy got… Patton was surprised at how much homework the school set, but then Logan would add hours of revision and mock exams on top of that…

Patton wondered if he should be letting Logan work that hard… Sure, Logan loved studying and he worked to a routine, but… was it really healthy to work so much?

He decided to discuss it with Logan later.

* * *

Patton used his day off to get most of the chores done around the house.

He’d tidied the living room and kitchen, hoovered most of the rooms, dusted, cleaned the dishes, and had even got a few wash loads done. As he loaded the machine for it’s final load, he frowned. There was so little dark washing, it would be a waste to do a cycle now. Unless he found something else to put in with it.

Patton glanced up at the clock. It was only 1:30PM. Logan wouldn’t be home for a while, or else he could have washed his clothes with the load. He thought for a moment. Perhaps he could wash Logan’s sheets today instead of tomorrow, kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.

With a satisfied nod, Patton strode into Logan’s room and began to strip the sheets off the bed.

Patton looked around the room as he did so, slightly concerned at how everything was exactly were it had been when Logan moved in little under a year ago, as though he were scared to move anything. The only thing that ever changed was the work on his desk and book on his bedside table, which he read before sleeping.

He glanced over at the bedside table.

_Advanced Algebra_

Patton frowned. Why was Logan reading a textbook instead of his usual fiction, or nonfiction? He was really going to have to talk to Logan about the amount of time he spent studying. Sure, exams were difficult, but Logan was far more important than his grades.

Then Patton grabbed the pillow.

The envelope fluttered to the floor, catching Patton’s attention. He bent down, picking it up carefully and looking it over to study it. Was Logan hiding something from him? Should he look? Logan clearly didn’t want him to look, if he was hiding it… but if he was hiding it, Patton should probably look, in case it was bad…

Patton bit his lip, twirling the envelope in his hands. Logan’s school emblem sat on the corner of the back of the envelope, alerting Patton immediately to what it was. Logan’s report card. But why…?

_Oh._

Patton shivered, remembering the day Logan had told him about what his Father had done to him for getting an A in a test. He’d nearly killed him over it. If the police hadn’t found Logan in that cupboard, then… Patton didn’t dare to think about it. He slipped the envelope in his pocket, and carried on with his chores.

* * *

“Papa, I’m home.” Logan announced, closing the door. Patton beamed from the couch, two mugs in front of him.

“Hey, Kiddo! How was your day?”

“It was average.”

“That’s great! I made you some hot chocolate. Did you find your report card?”

“Thank you. No, I did not, it was not in my locker… I will look again tomorrow. I am just going to put my bag in my room, then I will join you.”

“Oh, okay.” Patton smiled, watching as Logan walked past him and into his room.

Logan put his bag down by his desk, pulling out his homework and lining it up neatly to complete later. Then he turned, and he froze.

Patton had been in his room. Patton had taken the covers off his bedding. He grabbed the pillow, rummaged through his duvet, searched on the floor for the envelope, but he couldn’t find it. His breathing hitched, Patton knew, Patton knew, Patton knew he knew heknewheknewhe-

“Logan…?”

“P-Pa…”

“Logan! Honey, breathe for me, sweetheart, it’s okay…” Logan whimpered as he felt arms around him, pulling him to the floor. Logan struggled to get away.

“Please, don’t!”

“Logan, it’s me, it’s Papa. Breathe in for me, sweetheart, breathe in for four seconds.” Logan tried to do as he was told, tried to obey, he had to be good, he had to-

“Shh, it’s okay… Breathe in for four, sweetheart…” Patton whispered, tapping on the back of Logan’s hand to help Logan to count the beats, to help him to breathe. Logan finally caught a breath, breathing in for four, then holding it for seven, and breathing out for eight.

After a few tries, Logan was considerably calmer, his body slumping back into Patton’s as the older man hugged him close.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart, I should have warned you.” Patton whispered. Logan blinked up at him, silently pleading. Patton sighed.

“I have your report card, Lo… I-I didn’t look at it, because I want you to trust me with it first… I think I know why you hid it from me and I-I’m not angry or upset, because I understand… But it hurt a little that you lied to me.”

Logan’s breath hitched. Patton rubbed his arm.

“It’s okay… Just… tell me in the future, okay? Tell me you’re worried about it, or tell me you’re not ready to let me see, and I’ll understand…”

Logan nodded, reaching up for Patton’s hand.

It took a while for Logan to get his voice back, as it usually did after a PTSD episode or an extremely emotional event, but eventually, Logan blinked up at Patton and whispered “Please don’t be mad.”

“Oh, Lo…” Patton whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “I’m not going to be mad at you for trying your best.”

“But-”

“Can I look at it before you start making excuses as to why I can’t be proud?” Patton asked with a smile. Logan nodded, sliding out of Patton’s lap and sitting besides him instead, watching him nervously as he pulled the envelope out his pocket.

“I’m sorr-”

“Shh, none of that.” Patton whispered, pulling the card out the envelope before scanning it. “Logan, these are amazing!”

“But-”

“No, no buts!” Patton beamed. “Look at all the A’s on here! And a B! Logan, I’m so proud of you!”

“I don’t-”

“I never got above a C.” Patton giggled. “But then, I was very silly at school. Aw, Logan, you’re so smart!”

“Papa-”

“No. I will not let you beat yourself up over this. You did good, Logan. You are a very clever boy with very good grades and I am not disappointed or upset in the least. I am super proud of you. And, because I knew you’d do great, I got you something.”

“You… got me something?” Logan blinked.

“Yup! But first, we need to talk about your bad habits… I know you want to do well at school, Lo, but your brain needs rest as much as it needs to take in information. You gotta stay hydrated to stay focused, and you gotta eat right so you don’t drain your energy. Studying in every spare minute of the day isn’t healthy, and neither is skipping meals and eating sugar for breakfast. You of all people should know that.” Logan looked down.

“I apologise-”

“No, no, Logan, I’m not mad at you, I’m just telling you it’s not healthy, and it’s probably why you didn’t do as well as you usually do, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t do well! You just need to look after yourself too. You are more important than a letter on a piece of paper.” Patton smiled. “Come on, I got you a gift.”

* * *

As Patton stuck Logan’s report card on the fridge, Logan happily tucked into one of the many jars of Crofters Patton had bought a few days prior; a jar of every flavour.


End file.
